Nick Kyrgios makes startling revelation about build-up to Rafael Nadal match in revealing podcast
He has barely hit a ball in anger since his remarkable run to the 2022 Wimbledon final, yet Nick Kyrgios remains one of the most compelling figures in the sport.
Branded the bad boy of tennis after a career that has been littered with angry outbursts on court and controversial comments off it, Kyrgios has now insisted the negativity he has attracted has been tough to deal with throughout his career.
In the latest episode of On Purpose with Jay Shetty, Kyrgios opens up about how his strong personality online has made him such a controversial character, how misunderstood his persona is, and how different he is when he is with his friends and family.
He spoke about going through self-harm, dealing with depression and addiction, as well as turning the most difficult phase of his life into a pivotal moment to have the best year of his life when he reached the Wimbledon finals.
The Australian maverick also talks about looking at life beyond tennis and what awaits him in the future.
Here is a snapshot of the best bits from the interview, with the full YouTube chat available at the bottom of this page.
On having a love/hate relationship with tennis:
When I step away from the sport for so long, I actually don’t miss it. So that’s scary for me. You know, most athletes, when they get pulled away from their sport injury or take time off, they’re like really hungry to get back with me. It’s like, I’ve always kind of known that life has so many…so many cool things about it, you know, and tennis, you know, we’re traveling seven, eight months a year. I barely see my family, my friends. And during this time, it’s like, I get to see, spend time with my partner more, my family, do all these things that I’ve been missing out on. It’s like, wow, this, my life’s amazing now, but you know, I do miss playing tennis a bit, you know, it’s all I’ve ever known since I was seven years old, you know, my family loves it, you know, all my friends, you know, know me as Nick Kyrgios, tennis player.
On failing to believe he would make it in tennis:
I hated tennis when I was young. So, you know, I was very chubby, overweight as a kid. And my mom kinda, she was like, okay, we’ve got to get you doing some sport or be active. So she dragged me down to the local tennis courts. And I remember I was crying all day, hated it. Didn’t want to be there anyway. I never took myself seriously enough to one day be on the tour, beating people like Djokovic, Nadal, Federer. It was just never in my mind. And then all of a sudden it just happened. And my life changed. It’s like, I have big imposter syndrome.
On his depression and having suicidal thoughts:
There was a tournament in Mexico, Acapulco, where I was thinking about, I was having suicidal thoughts and, you know, I was just on the balcony of my hotel and I was genuinely thinking about it. It’s just like that part of my life is over and it’s just a mess. Like I think about that time, I just was not thinking clearly. I was drinking every night. You know, just at the time I thought it was just fun, but it wasn’t fun. It was just self-inflicted pain.
I had friends around me telling me it wasn’t healthy and I ignored them. And then I found myself going to a psychiatric ward in London and I had to play an Nadal the next day. And these are the things like. Everyone would assume that I was doing fine. I was answering questions and they told me that I should stay in this psychiatric ward for two weeks and be reassessed.
And I was playing Nadal the next day. It’s like, I looked at myself. I was like, I can’t do this. I have to somehow change these habits. So I had self harm everywhere. I had to wear an arm sleeve on the center court of Wimbledon and no one knew any of these problems. And it was, it was hard. And I look back and I just don’t know how I like got out of it to be honest, I was such a mess.
Feeling out of place in tennis:
It’s a white privileged sport. So I was behind the eight ball from the get go, you know. You know, big personality, wore the emotion on my sleeve. So I was always trying to play against so many more people than just so who was down beating the best players in the world is already hard enough.
The training every day, the diet, the discipline that was already hard. But me, it was like I was playing against. Millions more people every time I went out on the court. And I think that’s why I’m a bit more exhausted than the average tennis player. Now, when someone goes out there, they’re not, they’re just playing against who’s down the other end, but I was playing against the media.
Even if I had a flawless match, I was like, Oh, that’s how it should be anyway. But then the minute I did something bad, it was like, Oh, here it is. See, that’s his true colors. I was like, I couldn’t win. I actually couldn’t win. And then if I was well behaved and disciplined, it was like, Oh, no, it’s boring. So it’s like, okay, which one do you want? And that’s how I’ve always felt like on the tennis world that they haven’t embraced me. And that’s why I’ve got such a big chip on my shoulder. Now with the tennis world, it’s like, I don’t owe anyone anything anymore. So, that’s been the biggest, it’s just been a whole, like a walking contradiction my entire, my entire career.
